A whirlwind week

The last week (well, officially the last 10 days...) has been absolutely insane.

On Friday the 13th, Bryan came home from an underway and started the final countdown to deployment. We enjoyed our last week together. We celebrated all of our birthdays (Mine and Asher's actually occured, but all of them happen close together) and our 7th wedding anniversary, which happens later this month. We even made a trip to Busch Gardens with some good friends and had a blast. Then it was D-day.

Bryan deployed on May 20th. It was a tough day. Watching him say goodbye to our babies and watching the boat sail away was something that I will never forget. It's so different each time they leave. The emotions run high, but it's always a different set of them. Logistically, I am not worried about the deployment, because I know I can do everything I need to do as a parent without help. It might not be easy, but I know I can do it. Emotionally, I am worried about surviving without him. I know he's still here for me, but it's different when you don't get to see or talk to each other every day.

It's really just hitting me that he's gone, mostly because I was preoccupied by the 1400 mile road trip I made with the kids... by myself. Yeah, you heard me, I'm insane. Right after the ship pulled out, I hit the road and drove 3 days to Texas with the babies to visit the family. It wasn't as bad as I had nightmares of it being, but it wasn't easy either. Day 2 nearly killed me, but I made it with most of my sanity intact. Now I just have a 7 month deployment to survive with my sanity intact!

I am sure I will have many a sad and poignant blog in the months ahead, but today's is just to get my mind emptied out of some of this and to share my beautiful pictures by BLP Photography.

Seriously, let me just take a minute to say, Brittany of BLP Photography is amazing. Not only does she have some serious talent, but she is a wonderful person to work with. She took a nightmare of a day and made us laugh and kept me from losing my mind. She captured some amazing pictures and I am so glad I decided to hire a photographer for D-day.

Oh, and we are famous, we made the news in the Hampton Roads area. It was pretty insane, but pretty cool too. Anyways, I am going to wrap up this rather mish-mashed blog with pictures and the video of our interview. Enjoy and get the tissues, you'll probably need them.


Here's the video of us on the news

And here are some of the pictures. Prepare to cry.

Happy moment during a sad time

We are on the brink of our third deployment. It's a tough time for a family, especially for a young family who has done this 2 times in as many years. We are savoring every minute we have together, because they are numbered.

No matter how many pictures you take, no matter how much you write in emails, no matter how many phone calls or skype date you have, the deployed parent misses a lot. It's especially hard when the things that the parent misses are major milestones. Bryan missed most of Asher's first year, which means he missed most of the big milestones of the first year. That takes a toll on a Daddy, especially a Daddy like Bryan. Luckily, other than her birth, Bryan has been around for all of Abby Kate's first years milestones. It doesn't make up for missing Asher's, but it is nice that between the two kids, he saw at least one of the babies through early childhood.

With D-day imminent, I was starting to realize that Bryan might miss out on Abby Kate's first steps. I was hoping and praying that she would decide to walk before he left, because it would be the first milestone, and a big one, that he would see both his babies do.

Today we went up to visit Bryan on the ship. He was on duty and we wanted to spend some time with him. We were just playing around, trying to get her to work on walking, hoping maybe, just maybe, we could get her to walk while Daddy was still here. Well, folks, she did it. Abby Kate took her first steps today. I can't believe my baby girl is growing up so fast. I cried then and I am crying now as I am writing this. I am so thankful and feeling so very blessed that Bryan was able to see both of our babies take their first steps, and both of them walked to him first. Thank you God for blessing us with this at a time we needed some smiles.

Here is a video of Abby Kate walking. Enjoy!

The Mommy Wars

In honor of Mother's Day and of all mothers everywhere, I think we should call a cease fire, permanently, to the Mommy Wars.

I have been a mother for almost 3 years. It has been some of the happiest times of my life and I love being able to be apart of the "Mommy Club" because you know there is one. There is a line in the sand dividing women who are not moms and ones who are. Pregnant women stand on that line in limbo. It's a hard transition, and sometimes it takes a big battle to get from one side to the other. Little do you know, once you get into the Mommy Club what battles you have yet to face.

These battles, (Medicated or Unmedicated labor, Vaginal or C-Section birth, Breastfed or Bottle fed, Co-sleeping or not, Cloth Diapering or Disposable Diapering, Circumcise or not, just to name a few) draw new lines in the sands, putting moms against one another, when really, aren't we supposed to be supportive and united in ways that you can't understand until you have become a mother? Aren't we supposed to help another mother when she's trying to juggle a baby, a diaper bag, and a stroller (or number of other things) because you know exactly what it's like to feel like you need an extra hand (or 3) in order to do the simplest of tasks? Aren't we supposed to give a mother a supportive and knowing smile of encouragement when their 2 year old is have a tantrum in the middle of a store because she *gasp* dared to tell him that he couldn't get a new toy that day? What happened to us? Instead of being bonded in sisterhood, we judge. We look at that mother juggling things and think "Oh, well, if she was just wearing the baby she wouldn't be having the problem" or to the toddler's mother "Oh, wow, she obviously doesn't know how to discipline in a gentle manner" or a myriad of other things and situations.

I am not innocent in this, I have judged. I strive every. single. day. to try to put myself in the other person's shoes. You don't know their background, you don't know their journey, you don't even know what happened that day to lead up to that very moment, yet we think it's okay to judge them?! What is wrong with us!?!?

I have also been the one judged. I had two very high risk pregnancies. I was medicated through out both of them, through a PICC line with Abby Kate (stories of my journey to bring them both into the world are in the works, I hope to have them ready in the next day or two). I had two medicated births (LOVE epidurals). I circumcised my son. I co-slept with both children, Asher from about 3 months until he was 14 months, Abby Kate from birth until 10 months. I cloth diapered both for a time, though they are both in disposables now. Guess what, I don't regret any of those decisions. I know I did what was best for me and my family. Even with knowing that and being confident in myself as a mother (most of the time...), do you have any idea what it feels like to be the person getting that look we so commonly throw out without even thinking? That "Holier than thou" look? It makes you feel like scum. Why do we do that to each other?

I write this to implore every mother to take a step back and look in the mirror.

Are you a perfect person? No.

Are you a perfect mother? No.

Are you always trying your best? Yes.

Is there anything more you can do than that? No.

I know that those are the answers for every mother. Remember that the next time you judge. Remember that the person behind the action you are seeing might be having the worst day of their life. Remember that you have had those days too. Remember that each of us has walked a different path and has made different decisions based on those journeys and respect that.

Let's end the Mommy Wars because we all know that Motherhood is already hard enough.

Happy Mother's Day!

Here's a couple of pictures of the two reasons that I am a mother.

I love you Asher and Abby Kate. In being your mom, I have found myself. You two have blessed me in ways I had only dreamed of and I thank the Lord above for each and every day I get to spend with two of His own angels.

My opinions on the death of Osama Bin Laden

Before I begin, I just want to say that these are my opinions and feel free to disagree. I just want to put that out there ;)

I remember September 11, 2001 like it was yesterday. I was a junior in high school and for the first time in my life, I felt truly scared. I was sad, I was shocked, I was angry, I was lost. I didn't really know how to deal with those feelings, it was like nothing I had ever had to process. I am sure anyone who was old enough to remember 9/11 feels the same way.

I remember when I heard the name Osama Bin Laden for the first time, I remember when I heard about Al Qaeda and the feelings that I felt when they, when he, claimed responsibility for the strike against us that changed forever the world we live in. I felt hatred, true hatred.

Now, I know what it feels like to have justice. Do I delight in his death? No, mostly because I think he deserved to suffer much more. I would have loved to see him locked away to live out the rest of his life in the terror of what might come tomorrow, much like we have for the past almost 10 years.

I keep reading things on facebook about how we shouldn't be celebrating victory, because a man died. Well why the hell not?! He was EVIL. He is ultimately responsible for THOUSANDS of innocents dying. He HATED the USA and everything we stand for. If he walked into a room that you were standing in, he would have killed you where you stood, simply because you are American. He wanted you dead, he wanted your children dead, he wanted your children's children dead. Why should we not be glad that this terrorist is gone?

We are victorious against him, he cannot hurt us anymore. He has paid his debt to us all with his life.

I keep hearing and reading about people's fear of retaliation, about how maybe we shouldn't have killed him because of the dangers it poses to us now, to our military now.  We are Americans, and Americans don't run away from something just because we might get hurt. We don't think of our personal safety before that of those who need our protection. Our troops will stay and fight and protect, because they aren't afraid to die so that we can live free.

Am I worried about what might happen because we killed Bin Laden, yeah, but you want to know a little secret? I think about what kind of terrorist attack might happen every. single. day. You know why? Because we live in a 9/12 world. It could happen to us any day, anytime, anywhere. Yes, we have enraged them by killing Bin Laden, but we have empowered ourselves with a victory so sweet that I cannot even really tell you how it feels.

In the words of a man that I admire and respect:

"The fight against terror goes on, but tonight America has sent an unmistakable message: No matter how long it takes, justice will be done." - George W. Bush

Thank you God for our troops, especially the US Navy Seals that took out the embodiment of terror for so many of us.